Well, Friday is drawing to a close... thus completing the first week of a new term.  The children of room 14 have already produced several outstanding pieces of inquiry and narrative writing.

here is what is going on...

Literacy- Short story writing.

What we want to achieve is:

• Capture the audience’s attention by writing short stories, which are well crafted and interesting to read.
• Be able to critique a piece of writing (Give and receive advice in order to improve work) Communicate effectively as an advice giver

Today we looked at how we use words effectively to paint a picture in the readers mind. Changing and adapting our writing for greater effect, we discussed showing the reader the characters traits rather than telling. We also wanted to add thoughts and feelings to connect the reader emotionally to the stories being told.

Original

The man walked up a hill and looked out at the ocean.

Willow's re-write

I stumbled up the hill with not a breath left in my body.  

"it has to be here for sure", I mumbled to myself.

I reached the top and gazed at the azure ocean.  It twinkled like a star silhouetted against the deep night sky.  I scanned the grassy hill, until something shiny caught my eye. I darted towards it and...

Sally's re-write 

I slowly advanced up the hill, and breathed in the sweet night air.  I felt as though i was in a trance, my legs seemed to have a mind of their own. My long taffeta  skirts swished over the long grass as i ascended towards to sky.  I reached the top wheezing from the effort.  The sea stretched out, dark and mysterious.  I stood on the edge of the sharp cliff face, large hungry waves crashing on the rock beneath me.  i drew a breath, closed my eyes and jumped... The sensation was incredible... flying for a moment... falling... to my death.